Tina at Work! Five Year Milestone

Here's a brief review of the forms I have taught and the national English curriculum for year 2017-2021.

When I was young, five years of anything sounded horrifyingly long. 

Being friends with someone for five years sounded like we are going to be friends forever. Supporting the same idol group for five years sounded tiresome. Attending the same college for five years sounded mundane.

Now that I am 28, I realized that five years actually went past in the blink of an eye. 

Being friends with someone for five years is precious, but it does not mean that our friendship will certainly last forever. Working in the same school for five years is enough for me to learn the ropes and try out many different roles, but I don't feel like I have achieved much. And that's perfectly okay, for me at least.

Even after five years of working as an English teacher in a government school, I am often amazed by how I end up here. 

To begin with, English used to be my second weakest subject in school. Secondly, I used to dislike the ideas of staying in the same place for a long time. I wanted to get a job that would allow me to relocate to different cities every few months or years. Thirdly, I am never a fan of forming deep connections with many people/students. In fact, I recharge only when I am alone.

Nevertheless, I am actually quite satisfied with my job now. 

To counter my own arguments, firstly, I have never thought of myself as an English expert who is a lot better than my students. (Of course, I would say that my English proficiency is still higher than theirs.) I am merely an instructor. My goal is to assist my students in using their class time meaningfully for constructive learning, be it through individual assignments or collaborative work. 

Next, despite the dream of going on adventures and becoming the king of the pirates is still ablaze in me, I have more important responsibilities to attend to. There are people who need my physical presence here. Therefore, it's okay. As long as I take good care of my health, it's never too late to begin chasing after my dream even at the age of 60. 

Finally, I have come to terms with not building very deep connections with my students. When I first became a teacher through Teach For Malaysia, I was rather stressed because of how quickly my batchmates found their calling and built intimate connections with their students. Some of them have decided on their niche areas very early on (SEL, foot drill, public speaking etc.) Some of them still keep in touch with their ex-students now. I am still searching for my niche area, but in the meantime, let me be that adult that gets out of my students' way when they want to do other (beneficial) things. I am sure there are some students out there (how ever small population they are) who share similar sentiments as me - let's just each do our part in class and go home in peace. I might never get a thank you from them, but hey, you're welcome. (wink)

Moving on, here's the summary of my experience as a teacher.

2017 - Life is like a box of chocolates.

2017 was tough for two reasons. Firstly, I was a fresh graduate, so everything was new and challenging to me. 

However, the most important factor that shaped my 2017 was a befuddling decision from my ex-principal. Because of him, all the afternoon session classes switched classrooms daily. Every day before school started, we would get a list of where our classes would be at on that day. My English class might be placed in the same room as another Mathematic class. My students might be placed at the canteen or even the empty square. Through this frustrating experience, I have learned to be flexible and go with the flow. I have also learned different ways of capturing my students' attention (for a brief moment) amidst the chaos.

2018 -  Go big or go home.

2018 was the year when I went all out. I joined many initiatives and frequently brought my students out of schools for various events. Besides that, I experimented with many pedagogical methods in class. I was stretched thin, but the fulfilling experience brought me closer to my kids and I saw endless possibilities and potentials in them. Unfortunately, I think I pushed myself too hard and it took me a long time to recover from the burnout at the end of the year. I wrote 6 articles in 2018/2019 about the initiatives I joined. If you are interested, feel free to read them here.

The picture below was taken by my friend Ngui Sui Yang during a Local Focal event.

This next picture shows an artwork of my Form 3 students. We were learning the poem "Poisoned Talk" by Raymond Wilson.

2019 -  Remain steadfast.

I continued teaching as a contract teacher for four months before my official placement was approved. The greatest benefit I got out of it was that I was exempted from all the co-curricular activities. By the time I was an official teacher again, all the major sports events and foot drill competitions were over. Therefore, I was able to focus fully on developing my pedagogy. I learned to create effective worksheets for all forms and utilize the new CEFR syllabus for better learning experience. On top of that, I think I mastered the trick of clearing paperwork quickly, which is an important skill for every teacher.

It is a known fact that all teachers and parents grow more than a pair of hands.

2020 - Wait...teachers actually worked in 2020?

2020 was a confusing year for me. I hesitated a lot, for the fear that my decisions (to have online classes and etc.) might pose a greater burden on my students whose families were already struggling to make ends meet during MCO. Thankfully, most of my Form 5 students were very mature and they already had clear goals in mind. Therefore, it was easy for me to provide them the academic support they needed to pass/excel in SPM. 

To be honest, I don't think I did enough as a teacher in 2020. Nevertheless, I know that the deliberation I had was not in vain. The experience, or rather the lack of experience, further shaped me and helped me to become a more effective teacher in 2021.

2021 - Embrace the changes.

2021 is an exciting year because English is fully taught in all forms using CEFR (Common European Framework of Reference for Languages). CEFR is more structured and I personally like it better because students are assessed fairly on all four skills, namely reading, writing, listening and speaking. My students enjoy the new format too and this is reflected in their performances.

Since the academic year has not ended technically, I think it's more appropriate for me to show you some of my work progress instead of sharing with you my year-end reflection.

This is a screenshot of my Excel sheet for attendance. 

This year, I made quite a number of PowerPoint decks since the students are learning online via Google Meet. These are screenshots of my folders.

A few students said that they like my slides because they are colorful, informative, organized and not too wordy. Needless to say, I think so too.

At last, we have come to the end of this very long article. Thank you to everyone who read through the entire thing. I hope you too, will enjoy whatever job you choose to do.

May the good Lord bless you with good health in 2022.

莽莽中茫茫地忙

涵括十月份至十二月份的一字真言就是：忙。

具体忙些什么呢？返校上课、安排学生回校注射疫苗、没完没了地出题和批卷、无穷无尽的文书工作······好像也没办成什么特别重大的事儿。

除此之外，十一月份连续四个周末我都在外头瞎折腾——参加朋友的生日宴、和亲戚打麻将、和朋友去室内蹦床场和水上乐园，以及主办学校的年终宴。忙碌起来，休息时间减少了，人就病来如山倒。还好我生病的症状和Covid-19不符，所以没有造成家人朋友的恐慌。

好不容易挺到放假，原本和同事计划好的怡保市内游又因为水灾的关系腰斩了。住雪兰莪州的朋友来不了了，我只好暂时孤身入住订好的民宿，静待另一位朋友来临。可能这也是天主的旨意吧。我在怡保老家呆了九天，除了陪陪父母和零零碎碎完成了点工作，剩下的时间尽用来赖床和打瞌睡了。而现在我在民宿呆了还未满一个小时，这篇文章就拟出来了。

这次假期，我还计划写一篇关于我当英文教师五年的感想，还有一篇回顾2021的文章。灵感有了，资料也收集好了，只等着我啥时能静下心坐在电脑前用功码字。大家敬请拭目以待吧。

朦朦

 大家好吗？总感觉最近大马的天气非常善变。一小时前还烈日当空，进菜市场买点东西的功夫，天空就由晴转阴，然后开始倾盆大雨。

八月份对我而言并不是个好月份呢。我的一位长辈去世了。今年我一共痛失了三位亲人。每一次的失去，都是一记又猛又响的警钟，提醒我珍惜眼前人，珍惜还能和亲人相处的时光。又是一双隐形的手，在身后推动着我，追赶着我去趁早执行我想做的事。可能眨眼间，就轮到我和这个世界说再见。

九月份，我首次尝试从沙仓开车回怡保，单程542公里。出发之前，我还紧张了好几天，担心很多事。可是车子一上路，我就恢复平常心了。跟着音乐高歌、欣赏沿途风景，七个小时的车程其实也不过是弹指间的事儿。很多事看似个难关，经历了之后才发现原来只是我们对自己的不肯定。通过这次的车程，我也深刻体会到，朋友和家人可以给我很多的帮助和鼓励，可是有些路还是需要我一个人去走。我本来就很享受独处的时光；知道旅途的另一端有值得我期待的人和事，我就更加无所畏惧地向前走。简言之，这趟旅程我收获了不少老生常谈的心灵鸡汤。

看到拼贴图上方的九位帅哥吗？他们不是动漫人物哦，而是日本的男性Vtuber【Holostars】。各位家长可以上网了解一下什么是Vtuber，毕竟他们现在在网上的发展日趋成熟，也是很多年轻人追捧的偶像。粉丝可以通过Twitter和Youtube Super Chat和他们互动，所以偶像和粉丝之间的关系非常亲密。我入坑了吗？我肯定是入坑了，天天刷他们的直播和歌曲，虽然我还没到投钱实质支持他们的程度就对了。

这一切都是我拍档的错（我姓赖），因为他之前天天在我耳边唠叨英文组女生Vtuber【Hololive EN】有多有才多有趣，我都听烦了。抱着无力胜之则从之的心态，我也加入了追捧虚拟偶像的行列。当然，我身为堂堂资深女校生，实在没兴趣看一群女生Vtuber玩游戏鸡叫。看到很多男粉丝狂赞她们好可爱好天然呆，我也只是想翻白眼。天然呆？No, no, no。

最后，强烈推荐有电脑的朋友去下载There Is No Game来玩玩看，保证打破您的常规思考模式。只用手机的朋友可以尝试Mom Hid My Game这款手游，一样很有趣，有助你跳出传统的思维框框。

以上。大家继续加油，2021年剩下最后三个月啦！

冷眼观盛夏

 大家好。这篇文以“冷”为主题。

六七月间，好像确实有那么几天，沙仓的天气算得上是寒冷。当然，赤道国民说的寒冷就是摄氏20至25度左右。那种凉风习习的好天气只是昙花一现，最近又恢复到热死狗的状态。

第一种冷是冷颤。如字面意义的冷到发抖不止。上周四下午我去接种第一剂AZ疫苗，然后午夜开始出现各种症状 ——发烧、关节疼痛、手臂酸麻等等。可是最让我受不了的就是彻骨的寒意，穿了长袖长裤再盖了棉被也不管用。我一般发烧也不发冷。这种抖如筛糠的情况记忆中只出现过一次：就是中一的时候我作死，非要在月经期间摇超粗的藤呼啦圈，结果突然直冒冷汗和打冷颤。当时真是吓坏了我的妈妈，她抱着我睡了半宿我才好起来。

第二种冷是冷淡。这既是我对当今时事的消极态度，也是好多学生对在家教学的无声抵制。其实学生也不是完全接受不了在家教学；他们受不了的是无理而冗长的面屏时间。从上午7.30就盯着屏幕用神上课到下午4.00，中途只有两次的30分钟小休。您设身处地想想，您作为成年人都未必受得了这种作息呢，更莫说好动又情绪化的青少年。

我面对的中五生大多数都相当高情商。他们就算心中有所不满，也是逢课必上有问必答。他们的叛逆是内敛的。举例说明，有一次我安排功课，页数错了，学生们知道但他们都不说。直到一星期后，我在备课时才自己发现失误。我和他们对证，他们淡淡地说：“对呀，错了呢。你给的都做过了。”又有一次，我安排大家在不同时段和我进行一对二的口试。有一组考生睡迟了，放我鸽子。我在群里指责他们不负责任，其他学生反过来提醒我莫生气，气坏身体无人替。后来，我去翻查课外课的时间表时才发现，前一天我被安排上这一班的课外课，可是我因为没看到我的名字上榜，所以我鸽了他们！不负责任的小丑竟是我自己！事后我向他们道歉，他们也淡淡地说：“没事，当自习了。”一句话涵括：现在的老师真别太把自己当回事儿；青少年不顶撞您，指不定是冷眼在看您出丑呢。

第三种冷是冷静。最近，我和拍档沉迷玩电游《Overcooked2》，就是一款搭档做料理的游戏。我的僵尸手指不灵活，操控着人物把煮好的食材丢下海，那叫正常发挥。我和搭档的玩法也是天壤之别——我喜欢整齐有序、各司其职的厨房；他是能在满地食材遍地火光的情况下双手做八件事的主儿。他受不了我墨迹，我受不了他独裁。玩游戏时我老吼他：“你冷他妈的静！”这其实是个奇景，因为现实中我俩的习性相反。开拓人性的不同层面，这恐怕也是搭档玩游戏的乐趣吧。

好了，不说了。我要去享受周末啦。大家加油！拜拜！

春日长歌行

 大家好呀。白驹过隙，又到学子们的年中假期了呀。今天我来和大家闲话家常。

我过了非常踏实的两个月。批阅考卷、上课、翻译、写稿 ······ 每天都有做不完的任务。工作之余也不忘娱乐：看韩综、追网红、还有“监督”拍档玩电游。我把四月份和五月份的“大事件”集结成一张拼贴图，和大家共享之。

我个人认为这张拼贴图做得不是很好。我设计了好几个版本，成品都差强人意。最终上传的这个竟是第一版！这种峰回路转的结局可能是每个创意人的噩梦（无奈扶额）。

图中左上角的白色物体是一包包的考卷。我的批卷之路依然十分艰巨 - 去年得红眼症，今年发烧。我甚至在Instagram限时动态放话说我以后绝不给孩子取名Mark（又义批阅）。结果我的学生看了纷纷留言哈哈哈。哼！

历时一年四个月后，我和几位女性朋友组成的圣经研讨小组终于完成了美国讲师贝丝·摩尔所著的《相信主》。摩尔所提出的某些观点颇具争议，我个人也不太习惯她在宣道时过于激动的表现。撇开这些缺点不谈，摩尔在书中要求大家回想及画说各自的人生，有助我反思上主这些年来赐给我的恩典。在此附上我个人的画说人生（Draw My Life）。

我活了28年，肯定没法把事无巨细都罗列出来，所以图片里只记录了一些我特别感恩的事。全家有瓦遮头当算大事。我很庆幸能接受良好的教育和参加各式各样的活动比赛。除此之外，我拥有很多和家人朋友相处和出游的机会。进入社会工作之后，我不乏机遇；就算是前年暂时“失业”四个月，我也有临教、补习、和翻译三份散工收入。谋事在人成事在天，我很清楚光靠我和家人的一己之力是不可能得到这份安稳和成就的。

如图片所示，我辗转换过好几次教会，各种教派我都去过。以前我特别讨厌有人拿这一点来说事 - 说我对教会不忠诚啦、对信仰不坚定啦······我听了只想翻白眼。子非鱼，焉知鱼之乐？同理，你没有我的阅历，怎知我的迷茫和顿悟？现在我释怀了，可是也很懒得和杠精理论。别人爱咋想就咋想吧。当然，遇到有人真心好奇询问，我也会慢慢解释给对方听。

四月春，五月雨，六月当出游。可是看一眼那惊人的新冠肺炎确证人数，啥热情都灭了。危难时刻人人自保，惜命最重要。撤了撤了，大家隔着视频打招呼和游览世界就好。光阴一去不返，大家惜时在家工作和自我增值吧。祝君安好。

三月一捷报

大家好呀。光阴似箭，2021年已过四分之一了呀。今天我来和大家唠叨家常。

我过了不算特别充实，但也算愉快的三个月。鉴于我某些工作的保密性质不便和大家细说，也因为很多鸡毛蒜皮的事无需一一畅谈，所以我把一月份到三月份的“大事件”集结成一张拼贴图，和大家共享之。

老王卖瓜，自卖自夸；我真心觉得这张拼贴图做得很不错呀。其中包含了我追过的韩剧、看过的动漫、玩过的游戏、追踪的油管健身教练、网课和实体课的合照，还有我正在参与的工作。

前两天和学生（还有他们的兄弟和父母）一起去爬山看水，可是没有收录在拼贴图里，特此附上一张照片做纪念。远足一时爽，事后挺尸一天一晚。

年初我下定决心，今年要多阅读益智的书籍，第一本要看完的书就是班纳吉和迪弗洛的《贫穷的本质》。看了大半本后，我就懒散了，至今距离看完只差亿点点的动力。倒是耽美小说看了好几十本，其中也不乏一两本非常感动我心的作品。以后要是哪天灵感来了，我再写文和大家分享。

说到感动我心，二月的时候我听了一场《以基督为基石抚育子女》(Christian Parenting) 的线上讲座，讲师以一首现代诗做结尾，该诗就非常合我意。诗名为《论孩子》，亦被译为《你的孩子其实不是你的孩子》，由黎巴嫩裔美国诗人纪伯伦所写。我贴出英文版和中文版，大家不妨瞅瞅。

译文：（原译文网址：https://kknews.cc/essay/r68a9mx.html）

你的孩子，其实不是你的孩子，
他们是生命对于自身渴望而诞生的孩子。
他们通过你来到这世界，
却非因你而来，
他们在你身边，却并不属于你。

你可以给予他们的是你的爱，
却不是你的想法，
因为他们自己有自己的思想。
你可以庇护的是他们的身体，
却不是他们的灵魂，
因为他们的灵魂属于明天，
属于你做梦也无法达到的明天。
你可以拼尽全力，变得象他们一样，
却不要让他们变得和你一样，
因为生命不会后退，也不在过去停留。

你是弓，儿女是从你那里射出的箭。
弓箭手望着未来之路上的箭靶，
他用尽力气将你拉开，
使他的箭射得又快又远。
怀着快乐的心情，
在弓箭手的手里弯曲吧，
因为他爱一路飞翔的箭，
也爱无比稳定的弓。

已为人父母的，你认同吗？还没当父母的，你了解吗？不想当父母的，你共鸣吗？

爱的结晶没有，劳动的结晶倒是赶紧给老娘滚出来！不要再延期了！

以上。

Marking Season

Here comes another serious, long rant that nobody asks for. Why? It's because I simply don't think I can continue on with my work until I have vented it out. Why on FB you ask? Well, let's just say that I do enjoy the recognition and attention once in a while.

Marking season. Marking season always got me. It often makes me question my worth. I often spiral into a deep pit of self-loathing whenever I grade my students' papers. There are two reasons for it:

Firstly, I question my own competency as a mentor whenever my students obediently apply the structure / knowledge I taught in answering their papers but are unable to get a decent score.

 
In 2019, I was tasked with teaching novel analysis (KBSM SPM Paper 2 Question 33) To help my students with writing an analysis effectively, I read, compared, and distilled key points from various materials. Then, in the exam, my students confidently applied what I have taught in their writing, with the hope that they could score at least a B in that section. When I went for mark review meeting and showed my students' scripts to the senior teachers, they said what my students wrote was simply not enough. (I'll not go into the details here.) The highest grade my students could get was a C. I cried while marking 100+ scripts. When I returned the scripts to the students, I was met with many disappointed gazes and I apologized to all of them. Thankfully, the children were very forgiving and in the end, all of us encouraged each other to do better next time. (Side note: When Christ encouraged Christians to adopt a child-like faith, I personally think that on top of trusting God unconditionally, it also means to be as forgiving as the children are.)

Secondly, I feel extremely anguish whenever I notice that I have marked something wrongly. This is especially the case in situations like year-end assessment, where the students are only given a grade rather than having the luxury to check their papers and inform the teacher of any marking errors.

 
Let's say if I'm marking my fifth paper and I notice a certain ambiguity, I'll check the first four papers immediately to make sure I've not marked them wrongly. If I don't go through the papers right there and then, I'll keep thinking about it. The little devil in my mind will blow trumpet while twerking in a grass skirt, mocking my incompetency. You can imagine how messy things are when I'm marking more than 300 papers. Every time before a day of marking begins, usually teachers will set their goal and say, "my target is marking x number of papers today." For me, my goal is usually "my target is marking x number of papers today before I frantically go through every single paper again."

 
So, if marking season torments me such, why do I still keep at it?

 
Well, in reference to the first problem I faced, if I don't keep attending various kinds of mark review meetings and learn from the experts, how am I supposed to teach better? I can always ask for pointers from other senior teachers, but in my opinion, the most direct way to master something is always to 'infiltrate' the system and understand how it works from the insider perspective.

 
As for that little perfectionist devil in my mind, may God calm my nerves and give me the strength to resist its mocking. All in all, a job is well done when it is done by someone who is good at it, but a job is best done by someone who is willing.

(Extracted from my Facebook post, written on March 13.)

Teaching Lower Forms

I'm high on caffeine now so let me babble a little.

For some reason, whenever I tell someone that I am a teacher, they always assume that I'm a primary school teacher. Is it because I look too amiable? (If so, thanks!) Or is it because I don't look "mature/experienced" enough to be teaching teens?

 
Those who know me will know that I actually have very little to zero tolerance/ affection towards toddlers and young children. In fact, I'm so relieved that my school doesn't give me any lower form classes this year! I'm so done with listening to stuff such as "Teacher, do we write this in pen or pencil?" or "Teacher, my friend took my pen!"

 
However, upon reflection, I also know for a fact that one of the many reasons why I hate teaching lower form classes is because I simply don't know how to expose/educate the kids on life. And it frustrates me. Let me give you a concrete example.

Last year, I was tasked with teaching a Form 1 "back class". The kids were definitely rowdier and slower learners, but they were sweet in nature. One day, the boys giggled while I was teaching and later when asked, the girls claimed that the boys were reading pornographic magazine. I questioned the boys and they showed me the pictures they were ogling at. It was pictures of girls in very healthy tank tops and knee-length shorts.

My first internal reaction was "Where's the porn? Let me grab my magnifying glass and maybe I will find it." My second internal reaction was "Should I show these kids what real porn looks like? Sigh."

After a long monologue, I asked them, "What do you feel when you look at these pictures?" They simply giggled, shrugged, and said, "Teacher, these pictures are not good."

There were so many things I wanted to tell the kids.
"Boys, it doesn't matter how the women are dressed. It has something to do with how you perceive them."
"Boys, it's normal for teens to show interest in the opposite sex. You don't have to sweep these feelings under the rug."
"Girls, why do you assume that the boys are reading porn? Is it because of their lewd gazes? Or is it because you think these pictures are seductive? If it's the latter, what do you actually think of girls who dress differently than you? "

In the end, I said nothing and just passed the case to their class teacher, who was a male, with a slim hope that the teacher would have a bro talk with these boys.

To be honest, I often "feel too deep" too fast. This trait of mine bring little benefits to both me and my students. I can tell them what I think/know for hours, but it doesn't matter if the knowledge/wisdom doesn't "hit the spot."

(Extracted from my Facebook post, written on March 5.)