Fellowship Initiatives (4/6) - Local Focal

I'm currently working on a series of posts to commemorate my initiatives journey during TFM fellowship. Read Introduction here.

The Local Focal Project is the brainchild of Ngui Sui Yang, a 2017 fellow who was teaching in SMK Pasir Puteh, Pasir Gudang, Johor. I admire Sui Yang for his quirkiness, his high performing work ethics, and his enthusiasm for photography. Along with a few other artistic and talented fellows, they are aiming to create a platform for the students to express themselves through photography. 

I joined this initiative as an accompanying teacher, which meant I sent my student to join this program, but I was not part of the planning committee. I love all the events we had for the project. The planning team put in a lot of thoughts in organizing meaningful activities that would equip the students to express themselves through photography and expose the students to various possibilities involved along the path. 

When the term "photography" is brought up in conversations, many people still tend to have some stigma: it is either the "trashy" selfies, or the "professional" photos with many post-editing involved. But a picture is so much more than that. A telling photograph, be it taken on a cheap phone or an exquisite DSLR, reveals stories and conveys emotions, which in turn allows the audience to catch a glimpse of the photographer's point of view or the character's slice of life. 

Growing up, my dad took many pictures of our family. Then, we would gather together to look at the pictures after they were washed out or through a pocket slide filmstrip projector. However, since I prefer to express myself mainly through written words, I didn't truly appreciate taking photos or viewing photos until recent years. 

Capturing moments and scenery is indeed a wonderful thing. We manipulate lighting and freeze time every time we press on that magical, little button. A photographer is both a painter and an experimental physicist; we aim to express and make sense of the world by recording movements of photons. 

Anyway, coming back to the initiative, we had had many activities which brought unique exposure to the students. The activities included workshop about basic art theory, sharing sessions by professional photographers, and visits to an orphanage and a local photography studio. If you are interested to find out more about the program, please visit The Local Focal Project Instagram account. 

I couldn't stress enough to my students that the opportunity to visit places, to listen and learn from the professionals in the field, is rare and shouldn't be taken for granted. In the real world, people are willing to pay a large amount to attend sessions like these. 

I tried my best to explain to my students that, it's okay if you don't remember all the techniques you were taught during the sessions. It's definitely good if you can remember the skills and actively apply them in your daily practice. However, what's more important is for you to channel what you've seen and felt, into your expression and creation. That's what makes your product memorable and worthy.

A picture taken with my students after the first Local Focal workshop at Sunway College, JB. 

I have built a stronger bond with the boy standing next to the banner because he attended all the sessions. 

I had a lot of fun facilitating my student in coming up with his reflection. He was not good in either Malay or English so getting him to write what he thinks/feels could be challenging. He was quite shy to show me the photos that he had taken; to be honest, I was a little awkward going through his photos in front of him too because it was like prying into his brain to see his thoughts. During the sessions, I had fun seeing him klutzily approaching others to make friends or to work together in team. Picking him up and dropping him off was tiring because he lives far away, but the car rides were soothing because we didn't need to talk much to feel comfortable. 

This initiative might not explicitly help to address the students' needs, or help the students to build a certain skill, but I love it and I have learned something important. Not every journey needs to be an uphill battle; sometimes when the timing, the location, and the people are right, students (people) naturally pick things up from observing the surrounding. 

So that being said, as an educator, I need to stop asking myself: what skills/content knowledge do I bring to the table? Fixating on this question depresses me, because I have very little to offer. Instead, I should be asking myself: how can I create an environment/activity that will allow my students to learn naturally?

May all our kids grow up seeing things from different perspectives and taking delight in God's creations. 

Fellowship Initiatives (3/6) - Accenture Kickstart

I'm currently working on a series of posts to commemorate my initiatives journey during TFM fellowship. Read Introduction here.

Accenture Kickstart 2017 was the first initiative that I joined during my fellowship. My reasons of joining the initiative were simple:

1. The objective of the initiative is good (and seems fun.)
We would coach the students to discover more about themselves and their community. The students would then find a problem in their school/community that they want to work on. Next, we would guide the students to make a proposal and they would pitch their solution to the judges to get funding. 

Exposing teenagers, as young as 13 years old, to this mumbo-jumbo of the adult world, isn't that exciting? The participants were so lucky to be able to equip themselves with these useful life skills at a young age!

Honestly, prior to TFM, I had never heard of the word 'pitching', yet alone the whole painful process from identifying a problem to presenting a solution to a panel of judges for funding. So, I guess when I first heard of the program, actually I wanted to be a participant; but since I was not qualified, so I signed up to be a committee instead haha. After all, what's the better way to learn a thing than to learn it hands-on? 

2. I knew for sure, I would feel left out if I didn't join it because most of the cohort expressed interest in it.

The Accenture Kickstart 2017 committee. 

I am forever grateful to be part of this team. Each and everyone in the team demonstrated resilience, high performing, and resourcefulness in completing their respective tasks. 

Fast forward few months later, I was in the committee and was one of the two Student Affair Directors. My team dealt mostly with students' application, selection and registration. We prepared certificates for everyone involved in the initiative too.

My decision of being in the Student Affair team was a subconscious one. But recently, thinking back and finally joining the dots,  I realized that I am really comfortable with the student affair related tasks now because I was a record mistress and librarian during my high school days. Since high school, I have been accustomed to processing lists, being interviewed, and interviewing candidates.

The impact of holding leadership roles during high school is larger than I thought it is. Now, I can truly say that I believe in empowering students to be young leaders. They need to be leaders now so they can develop the necessary skills. While it's never too late to learn, people with more skills will definitely have more and better opportunities in the future.

The whole program lasted from September to November, with two workshops and a final day of pitching. The program went well.

I encourage you (kind souls who are reading this blog post, thank you!) to watch the following two videos if you want to know more about the flow of the program. These two videos were edited by my very talented friend and 2017 fellow, Bernard Ow.

Since the initiative was a collaborative effort among twenty over fellows, the workload was reasonable and I didn't feel very burdened by it. That being said, I still cried during the final pitching day because I was overwhelmed with stress. To be honest, I can't remember exactly why I cried. I am guessing the tight flow of the event and literally everything about being a first year, struggling fellow was too overbearing for me.

However, despite all the effort and time I had spent in the initiative, I didn't feel much connected to it. In fact, during the workshops and the pitching session, I would prefer to sit outside the hall and play with my phone than to be actively involved in the sessions as a facilitator or engaging the students in conversation. 

After the initiative ended, I did a brief reflection and concluded that I didn't feel as connected because I didn't send in any of my students to participate in the program. From there, I made the decision to join more events with my students instead of organizing more events for others' students in the upcoming year.

Little did I know, that my sense of un-fulfillment had almost nothing to do with "my students" or "others' students". It stemmed from a much deeper personal problem, which I had yet to figure out back then, but was made clear to me as the chapter unfolded.

Fellowship Initiatives (2/6) - YouthEX

Hi! I am very excited to share about YouthEX because this is still an on-going initiative. We are having our national conference next month! And you can be part of us! Please continue reading to find out more.

WHAT is YouthEX?

The theme of this year’s conference is “What I Want For Malaysia”. During the half-day event, students will listen to great TED-style speeches delivered by their peers and guest speakers*. On top of that, the students can participate in interactive activities to express their opinions and contribute to the topic.

*List of Guest Speakers TBC. Currently, we are trying our very best to make the guest speakers list as awesome as possible.


WHO is behind YouthEX National Conference?

YouthEX National Conference is organized by a group of Form 3 students from SMK Taman Nusa Damai, Pasir Gudang, Johor, who are passionate about driving changes in Malaysia.

This group of students attended a 4D3N YouthEX Bootcamp in July 2018 and learned essential 3Cs - Communication, Critical Thinking, Creativity and project management skills from the alumni of the Axiata Young Talent Programme. They had their booth during the TFM National Conference 2018 and were also one of the breakout sessions’ student speakers too.

I can go on and on about how amazing they are but I think it's best for you to get to know them through their perspectives. So, do check out the YouthEx Instagram account and the YouthEx blog. The students manage the accounts and write all the blog posts. You can get all the latest information from there.

YouthEX is the brainchild of Janet Khoo, a 2017 fellow who is currently teaching in SMK Taman Nusa Damai, Pasir Gudang, Johor. Along with her two collabs, Arsyad Azrai and me, we are aiming to create a safe platform for the students to express their opinions and exchange ideas with youth from all over Malaysia.


HOW can you be part of YouthEX National Conference?

Since both the teachers and students are new, we do not have enough money. Therefore, we are asking for your help to fund us for our conference. We only have less than a month to raise RM2,000.

We do not ask this easily, but without your help it is unlikely that this conference would not be what it could.

It doesn’t matter how much you are willing to give us, we will be extremely grateful. By funding us, you will also contribute towards making our dream conference come true. 

If you fund us, you will get a free pass to our conference and you will also receive some goodies sincerely from us. Most importantly, you will make an impact and create a better future for the students, the younger generation of Malaysia. 

The details of the conference are as below: 

📍Date: 10 November 2018
📍Venue: Educity , Iskandar Puteri, Johor
📍Time: 9.00 am - 2.00 pm

If you wish to fund us for our conference, please bank in any amount to the bank account below:

Bank: thank you to all who have supported us
Account name: thank you to all who have supported us
Account number: thank you to all who have supported us

Please write ‘YOUTHEX Conference’ as a reference for us to keep track.

You can also support us by attending our conference too ✌

Concluding thoughts

To be honest, as an adult and a teacher, the 3Cs or the project management skill are old news for me. It's great that I can use this opportunity to hone my skills, but my biggest takeaway from YouthEX remains to overcome my fear of asking for help. Be it partnership or sponsorship, I have always felt shy to approach people and ask for help. 

However, throughout these few months of working with Janet, Arsyad, and the kids (yes, even the kids!), I am truly amazed by how bold they are in approaching stakeholders and working out a win-win plan with the stakeholders to each get the resources that they want. 

I don't think I can rise up to their standards overnight, but I think I will do my part and take baby steps towards seizing opportunities and making differences. If you decide to support my students and I financially, we will be very grateful of your help. If not, please still keep us in your prayers. We can plan and ask all we want, but God is the ultimate provider and He governs all. 

Thank you for reading. Hope you have a nice day. 

Fellowship Initiatives (1/6) - Introduction

Memory is the residue of thoughts.

This statement is proposed by Daniel Willingham in his book, "Why Don't Students Like School?" As the statement suggests, we only remember the things we actually put our effort in thinking and processing.

I agree wholeheartedly with this statement. And to help me better remember some of the beautiful moments I experienced during my two years fellowship (January 2017 - December 2018) with Teach For Malaysia, I have decided to create this series of posts. 

I cordially invite you to join me in this reflective journey.

For the past one and a half year, I had been a full time teacher and a part time student. (As most of you know through FB or IG, I graduated with a Postgraduate Diploma in Education in August.)

On top of that, a TFM fellow is also required to run initiatives for the students and the local community to address their needs or to develop their potentials. That being said, I have yet to see any TFM fellows who run projects solely because they are required to. Most of us see an issue in the school and we want to work with the community to tackle it. Or we have something that we are passionate about so we want to share it with the students.

I have been fortunate enough to involve in both types of initiatives - need-based initiatives and passion-driven initiatives. Some of it which I played bigger roles as planning and executing committee, while some I joined as an accompanying teacher.

This series of posts consist of six entries in total. You can access to these entries through the links attached as follow: (I will update the links as I upload the entries.)

Part 1/6: Introduction (this post which you are reading)

Part 2/6: YouthEX

Part 3/6: Accenture Kickstart 

Part 4/6: Local Focal 

Part 5/6: TFM Annual Conference

Part 6/6: Chinese Class

The TFM supporting staff introduced us to the concept of writing redemptive stories, stories which show how struggles and challenges resolved in growth. Redemptive stories are the opposite of contamination stories, which are happy stories tainted with pessimistic ending.

I am not too sure how my stories will be. But be it redemptive or contamination, know that I am still trying to process some of these happenings as I pen down my thoughts. As I am doing so, I shall try my best to be honest with myself, and with you.

With that being said, I hope you will partake in my joy and sorrow as you spend your precious time to read through these entries. Thank you. And welcome aboard!  

行千里路：艺术和科学的交流

下半年都过一半了！我想趁着这个国庆空档，终于和大家分享一下二月我去新加坡一日游的见闻。 

今年农历新年假期期间，我久违地出远门，去参观新加坡艺术工艺博物馆。  

提及此馆，有参观过的朋友们大概都记得其《未来世界：艺术和科学的交流》展览厅。出游之前，我在脸书上看过很多朋友秀他们在此展览厅内《水晶天际》空间里拍到的照片。照片中，朋友们灿烂的笑容，直媲美环绕他们的170,000盏LED灯泡，让我好不向往。结果照片照骗，现实和理想总是有差距的。当我置身由上万盏灯泡砌成的空间时，我内外都只剩下一个感受：热！ 

我真不知道大家是怎么在这瞎眼的光中瞪大双眼拍美美的照片。我试了一下，聚光之下我的双眼拉耸着，浮肿的眼袋尽显社会新鲜人的疲态。看着密密麻麻、团团包围着我的灯泡，我突然想起《哈尔的移动城堡》当中，女皇不就是利用灯泡魔术打倒荒山女巫吗？原本打扮漂亮、皮肤紧致的女巫在聚光之下暴晒了一阵后，老了不止三十岁，皮肤又皱又起斑点！我不要啊！！

冲出水晶天际空间的走廊后，我才总算又活过来了。从外围，参观者能欣赏LED灯泡颜色切换，忽暗忽明，真像是天际在我们面前流转。我们一众陌生人静静地分享着这奇妙的时刻，此时无声胜有声。 

艺术的灵感多半来自大自然，科学的进步也有赖人类对自然界的细心观察和研究。所以，《未来世界》展览厅里好多流动LED灯光作品都是大自然的景色，例如涛涛海浪、潺潺瀑布，和悠悠花开。 

整个《未来世界》展览厅里，我最喜欢的展览品是其甲骨文互动墙。古老的甲骨单字通过LCD投射在互动墙上，经人手触碰后变型成其文字所代表的意象。大人小孩、洋人华人都爱极了这简单却意义深远的游戏。这活动充分展现中华文字作为象形字的美感，一竖一横一撇一捺都遵顺大自然原本的角度和弧度。 

最让人惊喜的部分，莫过于点了“火”，一簇火苗浮现屏幕上，恰巧附近飘过一个“风”字，又点了点，风吹过火苗，火势见长，忽然一发不可收拾，火舌卷席整面墙，象马木全都烧没了！这时天降一个“水”字，赶紧点一点，大水一过，火就灭了。再点个“木”字，木逢水而生，长成一棵大树；天地循环，终而复始。

华人千年来大力提倡不忘本，不忘母语。汉字乃是文化传承；每个会说华语、会写汉字的华人走在街上，其实都像是抱着一件抢不走、价值连城的古董上街一样。希望有一天，马来西亚也能有类似的文字互动墙，让孩子们能眼至手至心至，欢乐轻松地学习华文。

回想起这个一日游，值得一提的是，我和朋友傍晚要从教堂回到新加坡海关时，上错了反方向的巴士，结果被逼硬着头皮绕岛一周。

巴士驶入人潮汹涌的旅游区，到宁静的住宅区，到偏僻的工业区，最后才总算抵达海关，我们的满腔兴奋早已被漫长的旅途耗尽。当然，我和朋友出门在外，只要安全，多走一点冤枉路也不觉吃亏，两人全程还是有说有笑，回马后还吃了老大一顿西餐来结束一天欢乐的旅程。

二月的出游，并不是一场即兴的旅游，也不是漫无目的的观光，而是深思熟虑之后决定赋予行动的一项投资。投资是什么玩意儿？谷歌大神说投资就是为了达成某个目的而注入资金。我身边的人有的投资房地产、有的投资名牌球鞋；而我，继续义无反顾地投资旅游。

读万卷书不如行千里路，沿途的风景是视频无法取代的；旅游给人类带来精神上的享受，丰富我们的感官，开拓我们的世界观。 

下一次，要去哪呢？

For The Present Moment

As you can tell, I changed the theme of my blog. 

An important point to note: I changed my website address too. You can no longer access the blog through forthepresentmomentqiadan.blogspot.com. 

From now on, the blog will be just be 'Tina's'. 

I have been wanting to revamp my blog for a while now. I have grew tired of the Arial font, the turquoise color wordings, and the background of Great Smoky Mountain. 

My mind still goes back to that magical place sometimes. I can still recall the snowflakes as delicate as fairies. I remember how I leaned against the low stone wall and laid my hands on some moss. It was moist and ticklish. I laughed. 

However, I feel like I have outgrew that season of my life. 

On top of getting a new look, I aimed to make the blog more reader-friendly. I have been receiving feedback from friends who read my blog about how the blog was hard to access from Facebook. The mobile version of the blog looked horrendous too. Even I was not interested to scroll through my own blog when it was displayed on phone. 

I spent the first half of the day customizing a new blog at Wordpress. Wordpress definitely offers better mobile version; however in the end, I still decided to come back to Blogger because of two deal breakers:

1. I can't embed videos in my post (unless I pay to enable more features).

2. The Chinese titles are italicized when they are shown as links. Eww! No!! Just no. 

    

Coming back to Blogger, I reconstructed the link address, changed the theme, fonts, and colors, updated my profile description, and renamed the blog. 

The word 'present' in the blog name 'For The Present Moment' meant both 'now' and 'gifted'. 

Winter 2014. I spent most of my days hiding in the library. I came across the novel 'A Tale for the Time Being' by Ruth Ozeki. 

It was a great book. Once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down till I was done with it. 

Then the big questions hit me: 

If I died, will anyone remember me? Will my stories be remembered? How can I show my parents what I have experienced at a foreign land?

That was how this blog was born. Drawing inspiration from the novel, I named this blog 'For The Present Moment'. There's a little bit of 'zen' taste to it.

Now, four years later, the idea of 'living for now' and 'living for the gifted moments' was no longer as appealing as it first sounded. The blog has recorded way more than that too.

Tina's is not an ideal name. Neither is the green, bleak background. 

However, that's all I have for now.

This season of my life is rather unsophisticated. There were many nightmares, idle days, insecurity, inferiority complex, and school challenges to deal with. What's ahead, I don't know. 

Thankfully, though I am weak, my savior is strong. My savior delivers and provides. God is truly faithful and good. 

The season has been long. But I have learned to be more patient with the bad days. Having a group of Christ-centered, supportive friends is definitely a great help.

It's late now. I should really be in bed at this time. 

I'm keeping the same Chinese name for the blog though. Maybe in the future, when occasions arise, I will tell you the story. 

Till then, sweet dream. 

Book Review & Reflection: The Corpse Walker

Book Title: The Corpse Walker: Real Life Stories, China from the Bottom Up
Author: Liao Yiwu
Translator: Wen Huang
Publisher: Anchor books (2008)


I am more than thrilled to be able to finally finish reading the book and write a book review about it.

The funny thing is, I wasn’t even planning on reading it before this. I didn’t know the existence of this book until I went to the annual international book fair at KLCC Convention Center during early June. In fact, I wasn’t looking for any book at that time when I visited the fair.

I randomly picked up this book from the piles while waiting for my friend who was looking at other things. I skimmed through the summary at the back of the book cover: interviews conducted by a wandering, independent journalist, 28 real life stories of normal people like you and me. Enough said. I was sold.

First thing first, this book is not for everyone. As a matter of fact, the content is intense and it can be rather negative if not received properly. It is for mature readers who are either curious about humanity or interested in seeing history from alternative perspectives. If you are reading this book merely to find evidences to support your political views or to find fault with the country’s policies, I am sorry to tell you this, but you are not ready for this book.

All the 28 interviewees in the book are people from the bottom class of the society. Some had bizarre occupations like transporting corpses by foot; while some of them are commoners who we see and deal with daily, such as the public restroom manager.

Leveraging on his personal experience, the journalist quickly engaged the interviewees and had them open up to him about their life stories. After listening to their experience, he reported on it calmly and truthfully, without any sugar-coating. To be honest, each and every one of those stories was so poignant and enticing by itself that no amount of fabrication would do them justice. The journalist was well-aware of this too, so he didn’t even bother to alter the language used by these bottom class peasants. Some might find the language in this book vulgar, but the rough language preserved the demeanor and temperament of those interviewees, who have been through lots of struggles and are still continuing to seek a better tomorrow.

As a newbie translator, I am amazed to find out that this is Wen Huang’s first attempt at translation. She did such a great job at making the content and language plain enough for native English speakers who know nothing about Chinese language or culture, yet she meticulously preserved the crude language, sarcasm, and dry humors of the interviewees.

This book highlights many social problems that we face, one of them being the high birth rate among the poor. One of the interviewees, the Migrant Worker Zhao Er, might not be educated, but he had the best words to address this issue since he was a “victim” of this problem.

“I have no luck with money at all. That’s my fate. But my dick is not willing to accept fate. That stuff down there is the only hard spot in my body. The more seeds I plant, the more likely it is that I can change my fate and fortune.”

I laughed out loud when I read these lines. Hey, don’t judge me too hard, okay? The description might be unrefined but it has a ring of truth to it.

There are so much more that I want to share about this book, but I think it’s best for you to explore it on your own first. I do have a hardcopy of this book. So…give me a text if you want to borrow it.

What is the fear that is impeding you from enjoying an abundant life?

A lot had happened recently and I guess it's time for me to pen down some of my thoughts. Please note that this is one of those posts where I think out loud so bear with me here. If not, feel free to leave this post. For all the grammar nazis out there, yeah, this post is going to irritate you. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

In terms of recent events, Sports Day was finally over. I have finished my teaching practicum. I went back to Ipoh to vote in the history-making General Election. I attended a 5 days 4 nights character building camp and Teacher's Day was celebrated on the last Wednesday.

I was also going through a wee bit of emotional roller-coaster-ride due to some other more private incidents. Those incidents made me reflect on my own values, attitude, outlook of life and all that jazz. Subconsciously, I was also re-evaluating the events that shaped the present me and pondering on what I want for my future.

Of course, being the typical Tina, instead of telling you what happened, I am going to go off in a totally unrelated tangent and tell you about another incident.

The other day during lunch, I blurted out a rather blunt statement regarding the topic of marriage. I said, "In a marriage, I would rather cry in a Mercedes than to laugh in a trishaw."

Hmm...

After I said this, my friend stared at me with his eyes wide open. I was taken aback by my own words too. I didn't know and I didn't bother finding out what he perceived of me, but I found my statement something that only an unbeliever in Christ would say.

What caused me to say that? Do I really believe in what I said?

To be real frank and open here, financial security continues to be my top worry. What is your source of insecurities when you are with your friends? For some people, they might feel left out in a group because they are the only person with a different skin tone or of a different gender. For me, I feel extremely self-conscious about my family background. As compared to my friends who are from rather well-off families (well-off in my opinion, save your argument), I often feel I am not as sophisticated as them.

One might say, "Hey, you grew up with roof over your head, food on the table, and shoes on your feet. You are much more fortunate than a lot of poor children. So why are you being ungrateful and still complaining?" Oh dear, of course I have learned to count my blessing. However, let me assure you, the sense of insecurities that arises from difference in family status will always be there, lingering, hovering, waiting to plunge on you whenever you feel weak in the spirit.

I thought I was at a better place now, since I have submitted my life to Jesus and have learned to focus more on accumulating my wealth in heaven than on earth. But as I blurted out that statement, I realized actually I was still living in fear.

It turned out that the image of a childhood friend of mine selling coconut by the roadside under the hot sun when she was seven/eight months pregnant at the age of sixteen/seventeen continued to haunt me till this day.

It turned out that when the topic of family and marriage arose, instead of recalling all the fancy dates that I had had where my date and I shared about our dream house or dream family, the most vivid memory remained to be about my mum. It was a normal day; my mum came home from waitressing and sat by the table, peeling an orange. Casually she told me and my sister, "Today I saw a mother with three kids came in to the restaurant. The mother ordered the cheapest fried rice on the menu and the three kids shared the food. The mother just sat there and looked at the kids while they devoured it. It kinda reminded me of us from a few years ago."

But I know, no amount of scrumptious food, pretty clothes, sparkling jewelry, or even the love from a man can satisfy the void in my heart. Only Jesus can. I know. I learned it the hard way. So why did I still say statement like that? Have I not learned my mistake? The truth is, I was deeply embarrassed by myself for saying such thing.

Thankfully, God's mercy renews daily and He loves us eternally. Instead of reprimanding me for my little faith, God actually comforted me. The same afternoon after the lunch incident, when I was just quietly doing my part-time translating job, suddenly I was overwhelmed by joy and peace from within. I know it was from the Lord because it wasn't induced by any circumstances or rational reasoning with myself. It was like my mind was still dwelling in embarrassment, anger, and frustration, but a joyous uproar just burst out from within my soul. I went to church and God affirmed His love for me through the sermon once more.

It was quite an extraordinary experience for me, since before this I seldom felt God like this. So ya, I am still learning. I am still learning to transform all my worldly-impaired mindset to Christ-centered growth mindset.

The truth is, of course I don't believe in the whole "crying in Mercedes" marriage. (I prefer other car brands anyway :p)

I believe in being a woman who fears the Lord and laughs without the fear of the future. If God's calling is for me to be single, I pray that Lord will make the journey easy for me and deliver me from sexual temptation. If God's calling is for me to be a wife and a mother, I pray that Lord will show my heart the way and mold me to acquire skills necessary to become a decent helper to my future partner that I have yet to meet.

Till then, Lord, please help me to be productive in my work so that I suffer nothing from laziness. Okay, off to bed now. Tomorrow will be a new day for work.

"People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy." - Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

Tonight, I confessed my sin of having little faith in God. I didn't trust that God will provide my daily needs, instead I turned to seek comfort in imagining about my future partner's wealth status. Lord, I pray that you pardon my sin and let me learn godly financial planning so that this aspect of my life can be turned into a testimony to glorify you.

看个书延伸出来的唠叨

久未写作，今天我来放肆矫情一下。

之前苦拼了三星期，成功在二十天内完成了十八章小说翻译，一章平均4600字。（小说全文八十二章，共五位翻译员和多位编辑合力完成。）这个项目只靠我一人之力是不可能的，好在我有位双语能力都过硬的拍档，两人紧赶慢赶地，总算是准时完成任务，没砸了自家招牌。

我一直都知道中文博大精深，可把中文言情小说译成英文，才更体会一个方块字延伸出来的魅力。就说说现在网络小说中常用的"愣"字，这字我觉得挺好理解的; 可随着不同的情况，这“愣”字在英文真是千变万化: in a daze, stupefied, stunned, startled, paused, surprised, taken aback......有的英文词还能交替着用，可是有时候选错译词，那主角的心理感受就完全不同了。比方说，你总不能让一个高高在上的霸道总裁遇到点事就stupefied吧?他顶多就是故作深沉地paused一下。

当然英文原著小说也有其妙点，尤其是在描写情欲肉戏这点上。英文小说可以很平白直叙地把主角从吻戏带到床戏，片言只语就能让读者脸红心跳，开启读者的无限想象，却又不显通俗猥琐。反观中文小说描写这些场景时，不是过于哲学、修饰得天花乱坠，就是太过露骨，就差没把肠子也兜出来给读者看了。

我记得我在翻译这本小说的结局时，停了好几次，可能是熬了好久终于到头了，反而下意识地想延迟完成的时间；可能是对应着女主角的苦尽甘来，现实生活中还有着一堆破事儿要处理的我未免显得太凄凉。翻译到一半的时候，我甚至哭了，不是美人卷珠簾泪痕深般地掉金豆子，而是杀猪般地嚎啕大哭。就突然矫情想哭。

十八岁之前看小说写小说，都偏向较悲情或是灰的结局，像苏青的《结婚十年》，那么苦的一本书，我倒是嚼得津津有味。现在看书，都会特地先检查看看结局是喜是悲，不是大团圆结局的书，写得再好，我都跳过。灰姑娘找到白马王子的故事一点都不真实，却总比老巫婆赢了的故事好一些。

刚刚在饭桌上和朋友分享了一件童年趣事：小学五年级的科学作业里有一道题，问的是“请问人参是酸性还是碱性？”这题特么欺负人好嘛，这是小孩会知道的食物吗？！哪个金菠萝是吃着人参长大的？你站出来，姐姐保证不打死你。当时我一脸懵逼地转头问爸爸：“爸爸，人参是酸的还是苦的？”爸爸淡淡地看了我一眼，然后放下手头上的工作，提笔在白板上画了一个图表。接下来，他花了将近半小时洋洋洒洒地给我分析了一大段人生究竟是酸的还是苦的。。。。。。爸爸，太认真你就输了好么。。。。。。（哭笑不得捂脸中）

现在回想起来，这事很搞笑，可是人生和人参其实真的很像，不只是发音相似，而是两者都是难能可贵的、甘甜甘甜的。还记得当时爸爸说，从少年到青年是一个人一生中最欢乐的日子，因为我们可以单身地、大无畏地挥洒着热情，尽情投入于自己想做的事。再过一阵子，恐怕就要操心年幼的孩子和年迈的双亲。二十五岁了，应美容产品广告里所说的一样，新陈代谢变慢了，所以现在的每一天，我都企图很认真地过，就怕哪一天一朝醒来，才惊觉梦里不知身是客，流水落花春已逝。

近来脸书上都是朋友们结婚小登科的喜讯，而离线后和身边的人聊的话题，都离不开“教师合同期满了之后何去何从”这个课题。如无意外，我大概是留吧，因现实考量，又因些许年青人罗曼蒂克的基因在蠢蠢欲动。年青人就该在异乡干一番大事业，不留名总不还。可能也是因为沙仓的学生实在是太贫乏了，我自觉还有能贡献的地方。

我校一些华人学生用的手机比我好，兼职代购赚的钱比我兼职翻译拿到的钱要多，可是一些女孩们的心灵干巴巴眼光狭窄窄的，让我觉得非常惋惜。女孩们，你们可知道，美貌没了可用先进的护肤品补回来，钱没了可以再赚，可是修养是骗不了人的。一个钢琴手的气质，一个文人的学识，一个冒险家的胆识，这些是点点滴滴培养起来的。每次上华文课的时候，我都会花前面大约45分钟的时间，要求每个学生分享他们那个星期里经历过的事，开心的、不开心的。。。。。。无奈六七堂课过去了，他们还是没捉着感恩的尾巴，没学会发掘生活小事中的美。孩子啊，我不怕你为赋新词强说愁，就怕你每次给我来一句“不知道”和“没有”。

同样的，我从来不担心你们以后当不当得成医生、工程师；我揪心的是，长辈在你们的面前弯腰捡起你们随手扔掉的垃圾时，你们竟然无动于衷，不道一声谢，不觉一阵羞。年轻人，不要让长辈和比你们穷的人在你们的面前弯腰，你们随手丢掉的不是垃圾，而是自己的礼义廉耻。

好，离题了。

话说回来，新的翻译任务开始了，学校里要举办的活动、要处理的公务、要赶的教案也是每日剧增。我祈祷不论再忙，我都能挤出时间照顾自己、关心家人、设计有效的教学活动和内容和学生们分享。

也许有一天，等秋天来临时，我真的可以心平气和地完成儿时的天马行空：在闹市的小巷、沙漠的绿洲抑或是郊外的十里碑开一家小旅馆招待旅人们。各方的旅人聚在暖烘烘的大堂里，交换情报、尽情吃喝洗掉一身疲惫。旅人们以一个故事换一盏酒。这样的生活是不是也挺好的？

Do you take care of things?

Dear students, I hope you will one day learn to take care of your things and other people's things.

I could not tell you how upset I was when I saw you mistreat the games that I bought for you by ripping the containers apart and leaving the pieces everywhere. 🙁😭

I bought these games for all of you using my own money. I didn't want you to pay for them because I know some of you and your families do not even have enough money to buy food or reference books. I know a lot of your parents (and school teachers) do not believe in the power of games. They think we are wasting time and money.👺 But we know better. Games make us smarter and happier people. 😉

Now you see, when you get something for free or when you have access to something, it is called 'privilege'. You enjoy privilege, but be careful, privilege can also be taken away from you anytime if you are not managing it well. So we should always be thankful for what we have by taking care of it. 😇

Take water as example. A lot of people in Africa don't have clean water to drink. People in Selangor don't have water supply in their houses now. But here in Johor, we have free flow of water to drink, shower, and wash things. So we have the privilege to be able to access water. When we are given the privilege, of course we enjoy it and use it to our advantages and needs, but we also appreciate it by taking care of it.

Same thing goes to these games. You enjoy them, but you also take care of them. You make sure after you play, you count all the pieces, and you keep them in the containers prepared. ✅✅

Dear children, every time you get very angry when your friends make fun of your parents. So I know you are good kids and you love your parents very much. You should also honour your parents through your actions. I am sure your parents have taught you good manners. Use the good manners in school. Ask for the games nicely and take good care of it. We are polite and smart students right? Don't be like a troop of baboons fighting over a coconut! 🐒🍈

Dear students, tonight I had fixed the pieces and fit them into new boxes. Hopefully it will be easier for you when you clean up. Tomorrow we will start again.


(extracted from my Instagram post, written on March 15)

🙂

Teach For Malaysia 2018 Regional Event 1

Let there be light

My latest spirit animal has to be a moth. 

Or any phototactic organism. 

I am gravitated to lights! 

Last night four of us were on a quest to search for a nice cafe that opens past 10 p.m. to chill and hang out.

First we went to Taman Molek area. The cafes were closed / closing. But there was a huge fancy Chinese temple still accepting visitation!

Let's go check it out!

Lights. Lights everywhere. 

\\*^________^*//

The Chinese temple is new and well-maintained. There were a few believers gathering at the altar, observing the priest performing a ritual at the time we entered. I peeked and to my amusement, the priest's hat was decorated with blinking LED lights!

No luck with cafe at Taman Molek area. 

So we moved on to a factory-themed cafe called 'Just Want Coffee' in Mount Austin area. 

And hey, guess what!
.
.
.
.
.
.

More lights! Yohohohoho :3

The desserts are decent too. 

Thank you God for giving me the time and space to unwind with some of the people that I cherish. 

February 2018, here we come! 

WD 2018 W1-W2

One of my new year resolutions for 2018 is to keep a work diary, so that I can celebrate my students’ growth, keep track of the activities that I am involved in, make time to reflect regularly, and all in all, take stronger ownership of my work.

The first two weeks of 2018 have been rainy, cold, and wet. The temperature has dropped to 22 degree Celsius these few days. I work well with the cold, but I dislike gloomy days and sharing wet road with a bunch of reckless drivers.

[SCHOOL REGISTRATION 2018, 30 December 2017, 7:30 a.m. – 12.30 p.m.]

I was in charge of registering a form 1 class. I learned so much from all the mistakes I made.

First, always double check a kid’s health record, especially when his parents submit the health form declaring that the kid had never received tetanus vaccine before. Parents, if your kids are Malaysians, 99% of the time your kids had received tetanus (kancing gigi) vaccine during primary school, you can check for the vaccination date in their health record (buku kesihatan).

Besides that, check the health record to see whether the kids have any disability. The school needs to know so that they can make better arrangement to cater for the kids’ needs.

Second, always check whether the parents attached their pay slips / filled in how they get income. The school will ask for it later. The school will decide whether a kid is qualified to receive financial aid based on what the class teacher submits. If the class teacher put 0 as the family income, the computer system will automatically change it to 99999, and the kid might not be filtered and selected as a financial aid receiver.

I could not imagine the guilt that I will impose on myself, if my students who are really in need of the money missed out on the opportunity to get help, due to technical issues that I could avoid.

[LESSON PLANNING AND IMPLEMENTATION]

One of my career development goals this year is to consistently carry out effective lessons that will benefit my students. So far it has been going good. Praise God for giving me guidance and giving the kids tranquility to sit through the lessons!

Since all the schools are using CEFR for Form 1 and 2 students this year, I can share teaching resources with all the other teachers. In the mid of second week, I conducted a listening activity designed by Grace in both my Form 2 classes. The students thoroughly enjoyed it.

Just like any other teachers, I am distracted by many other work obligations such as paperwork, so I need to constantly remind myself that my most important job as a teacher is to design lesson, impart knowledge, and instill values in the students.

[STUDENT EMPOWERMENT, decorating the classroom with a few students on 12 and 13 January 2018]

I am not going to lie. Empowering students is not my forte, yet. I work with brilliant students who have amazing ideas, but sometimes their ideas are not realistic due to financial and time constraints. As the facilitator, it's my job to tell them, plan with them, and fine-tune their idea, making it practical while keeping the originality and passion. But I am terrible at it.

This year I am the class teacher for a Form 2 class, and a few boys in the class were very excited to paint a mural on the wall. So I was thinking to myself, this is student empowerment right? Okay, let's do it!

I fetched them to the store to get the necessary items. I convinced the school and the parents to allow them to come back to the school on weekend. I stayed with them while they paint. And the initial result?

Unpleasant. We spent longer time and more money than we wanted. Then we ended with no product. The few painted parts were......too artistic to be appreciated by many. The students were frustrated with their work, they complained about their friends, and I felt dumb for not interfering with their design choice and work attitude.

Thankfully the students initiated and came back the next day to finish off what they have started. On the second day, I gave them suggestion on how to improve the painting and they took my advice. After I finished my meeting, I joined them in painting. On top of that, I actively monitored their work progress by assigning task to students who sat down to play with their phones for more than 5 minutes or so.

The end product of these two days was not perfect, but it was valuable for everyone involved in the process.

Through this activity, I hope at least the 4 kids who stayed till the very end had fun. On top of that, I hope all of us have learned something. This experience reminds me that a lot of time, youth means making reckless decision that we will regret later; however, growth happens when we admit our limitation, seek help, and push through what we have started to deliver promised result.

Thank you kids, for your endless imagination that knows no boundaries, and for giving me a chance to go through this experience with you.

So does the outcome worth the pain? As I am looking at my empty wallet, hmm……

That’s all from week 1 and week 2 of 2018. Stay tuned.