It's funny sometimes how God listens to our prayers and grants us exactly what we wish for, in thousandfold. Oh, God is also very good at using our words against us.
In 2017, when I first bought my car and started working as a teacher, I once exclaimed, "Oh man! I wish I can be like one of those cool teachers, fetching students to events and whatnot."
God heard my prayer. Since then, I had sent students from Pasir Gudang to Johor Bahru, Iskandar Puteri, Kulai, Tangkak, and recently, to Segamat. Is it fulfilling to send students to events and competitions? Kind of. Is the petrol bill absolutely taxing on my wallet? YES.
But those were my words, my wish. God grants it, and more.
On Sunday, my friends and I had our bible study session as usual. We talked about how Christians (read: ourselves) sometimes feel very reluctant to go to church because of the long service and monotonous sermon.
Then, I shared how I learned to appreciate the service/mass a little better since I started attending the Catholic Church last April. The songs, the stand/sit/kneel motions, the sermon, and all the other procedures that are simple-to-follow-yet-totally-profound-in-meaning-and-hard-for-me-to-explain-in-just-few-sentences are no doubt designed for believers to get closer to God. However, the service/mass also serves another very important purpose: to praise and worship God for who He is.
So, it doesn't really matter whether you get something out of the sermon everytime. Or whether the songs resonate with your inner voice or current mood. The most important thing is, God remains faithful and unchanged. So, we are there physically every week to declare that God is indeed who He says He is.
Woah, sounded so mature.
I guess God heard my passionate sharing too.
Today is Ash Wednesday and I went to the mass with my partner. I was contemplating whether I should join the line, go in front, and let the Priest mark my forehead with ashes that symbolizes penance. It's no rocket science and to be honest, I think it's totally fine even if I decided to not do it.
However, I was brooding over it because I wanted to try, but I was so afraid that someone might single me out and say things like, "Do you really understand the significance of this?" Or "Since you are not a Catholic, you shouldn't really be joining this..." If that happened, I would be so embarrassed that I drop death on the spot.
I was definitely overthinking it, but over the years, I had had many embarrassing experiences in various churches of different denominations. (Okay, mostly my fault. Most of the time, I brought the humiliation upon myself)
Generally, people have good intention. But it's really an intricate art when it comes to pointing out people's mistakes with love. In the past, some righteous yet tactless uncles, or some overly zealous aunties really went out of their way to make sure I "understand the faith". I'm sorry, aunties uncles, but I hated our interactions because I felt like you had stripped me bare.
So, coming back to the story of Ash Wednesday. I had a minor argument with my partner right before the mass started because I told him my worries and his response was righteous, yet absolutely tactless.
Then, as the mass proceeded, I recalled my very own sharing. I asked myself, is this 'ashes marking thing' really about whether I make a fool of myself or not? Or is this a response to God's invitation to repent and accept Him as a Savior who can change my life? The answer is clear. So I went forward.
(Okay, a bit of a disclaimer here. Actually apart from Eucharist, which is the consumption of the consecrated bread and wine, Catholics are generally really chill people and they welcome anyone to join their mass/events. For further inquiries, please consult a Catholic or a church nearest to you. Thanks. Lol)
Once again, coming back to the long-winded story, my sharing during bible study might be all fancy and matured, but God searches my heart. Will I still worship Him when I am currently in a love-hate relationship with Him? (This love-hate thing opens up to another long-winded post, so don't ask.) Will I still remain faithful to His calling when I am emotional inside out, upside down?
God heard my sharing, and probably my subconscious wish of being affirmed. So, He gave me a chance to respond, tonight.
It's funny how God works sometimes.
