Tina's. 恰淡日志: April 2016

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Be patient. Even when you don't feel like it.

(Please excuse me if the grammar is not perfect or if the message is not clearly conveyed, as I am trying to pen down my thought process.)

Having faith means having confidence that what we hope for will actually happen, and it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Hebrew 11:1 NLT)

How about patience? What does be patient means?

I don't consider myself as a patient person. Though I seldom get angry, I often get irritated by others' small habits, and I worry way too much, and I take action so quickly that often times I found myself missing out on sweet deals that I could had have if I have waited longer or have consulted more people before making a decision.

I am currently going through a situation that requires a lot of patience from me: my parents are coming to the United States to attend my graduation and I am planning a 2 and a half weeks long vacation trip for all three of us.

I knew since the very beginning that this will be a challenging experience, for both my parents and I. However, I think I have underestimated the amount of stress that I will feel. From applying visas, to booking flight tickets, to planning sightseeing itinerary, to currently guiding them in luggage packing, my excitement has already worn out, and it has been replaced by fear, anxiousness, and regrets.

Don't get me wrong, I do not regret the decision and their coming, but I regret on every single small things that I could have done better. To give you an example, my biggest regret is that I chose to buy separate flights for them, so instead of connecting flights all the way from KL to Indy, now they have to "manually transit" their check-in luggage at JFK because their JFK-Indy flights are disconnected from their KL-JFK flights.

I could already imagine all the tensions and arguments between my parents. I understand that it is going to be hard for every first timers trying to remain calm in the midst of the whole tiring and confusing international flying experience, but I am afraid that it is going to be EXTRA HARD for my parents because of their deep insecurities.

In times like this, my perfectionist does not help. It only makes things worse. I get so stressed out thinking and planning about everything, I go into my "stressed out mode": cry a lot, hate human interaction, sleep irregularly, binge eating, tense body figure......

So, after ranting so much, what do I learn about patience in the midst of this hot mess?

I learn that patience doesn't just mean "to be able to accept or tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious" (as defined by Google), it also means to accept that I am not in control. God is.

I may come out with a perfect planning that break everything down into minutes, but what good does that serve? Does it means that my parents will not get frustrated with all the transits? Does it means that if I follow the plan strictly, I will be happy?

No.

No matter how well I plan, I can't control my parents arguing, I can't control how the hotels or buses are going to be, I can't control my parents' overall US experience. Therefore, God, as I am writing this article, I am laying down this burden at Jesus's feet. Help me not to worry but be patient, be patient for I know that Your timing is the best timing, Your will is not to harm us to lead us closer in love, to you.

With that prayer, there is only one thing left for me to control: my temper.

I can choose to cry, to worry, and to stain everyone with my negativity, or I can remain silent, remain hopeful, and remain joyful.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when trouble come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that wen your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." (James 1:1-4 NLT)

Oh ya, Tina, you can control your grades too. So please go back to completing your assignments now ;)